Mom, You Have Boobs?

And other inspirational quotes

Ginger Cook (GC)

Jul 10, 2025

Follow me for a moment.

Think of the largest dildo you can stick up your ass and imagine the pain.

Our kids are worse than that.

And you might say: GC, should you really compare your kids to dildos?

And my response is: Do they not both fuck us?

Tell me I’m wrong.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, I’ve been thinking about some of the things my kids have said to me, and I wanted to share. So, my loves, if your surly teen told you he hates you today, or your sweet five-year-old asked you if you had a baby in your tummy right after you ate that bag of chips, I’m here to help.

You’re not alone.

In a recent conversation with my twenty-two-year-old daughter, she mentioned that she’s almost dead.

Daughter: Half of my life is already over.

Me: You are twenty two, bitch. Your life is just beginning.

She ponders for a moment and laughs.

Daughter: You’re FORTY TWO! Is it weird to know that you’re like, almost dead?

How about this one, from my smart-mouthed son?

You know how we look down at our phones now, all fuckin day, and we are starting to get creases in our necks? One day a few weeks ago, I was minding my own business, watching Andr3wsky on TikTok. Before you judge me, he’s hilarious and more than a little aesthetically pleasing.

Anyway, my twenty-year-old was sitting a few feet away when out of the blue he screamed:

MOM!! EXTEND YOUR NECK!!!!!! OH MY GOD.

I guess he couldn’t deal with looking at my old lady turkey neck.

I’ll have you know; I don’t say shit when that little prick walks in here with his effed-up hair, looking like he’s been drunk for two days and hasn’t showered in a month, but maybe I’ll start.

I won’t.

This special treat from my seventeen-year-old daughter:

Daughter: When did you get boobs?

Me: Well, I guess it must’ve happened when I put on thirty pounds, thanks.

Or:

Daughter: You were the young mom with Brook and Hunter, but you’re like, such an old mom for me and Eli.

Me: COOL.

This one has lived with me for years. Same daughter, only at the time she was about six. I was thirty-two ish.

Daughter: You know who’s the prettiest mommy in the entire world?

Me: (Awwww*) Who?!

Daughter: Caillou’s Mommy.

Fuckin kidding me? The turtleneck wearing chic? With the box haircut?

Yeah, I still got mad beef with Caillou’s mom, all these years later.

I love ‘em, awful as they may be.

Tell me what your kid said to you recently to make you feel like a failure! (or the neighbor kid, or your niece or nephew, or some random dickhead kid from the mall)

I can’t wait to hear how much you suck!

❤️— I’m still enjoying vacay! Love you guys! Wish me luck with the beach hunnies!